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How much pain is a person willing to put up with to make their dream come true?Antonella and Andrea want to have a child and, put simply, they want to have one right now. But they soon discover there’s nothing simple about the most natural desire in the world. Everything that can go wrong, does. Even the most improbable things. And all those things that are usually left silent now need to be mentioned: the suffering, the unmentionable desires, the raging grief, the anger, the fleeting and smug happiness. It’s time to come to terms with a dream, one that’s denied, feared, full of conflict, and irremovable: that of becoming a mother. A trenchant, hard-to-put-down, and deeply literary work of art.“This book touched me to the core. Literature is a magical art, and Antonella Lattanzi has written a book that is part blessing, part curse, and entirely cathartic”. (Nicola Lagioia)It’s never the right time to have a child. First we want to live, travel, work. Antonella wants to become a writer: it’s her sole ambition, nothing else. When she’s in her twenties, she has no qualms about ending two pregnancies. Now, years later, a partner by her side, when she feels ready to be a mother, she discovers that her body isn’t. And so begins the cruel journey through perseverance, obsession, medication. A dive into the body’s implacable limits. While it may sound familiar, this story is nothing but. You feel caught in an avalanche but still capable of seeing the world around you as you tumble through space; you feel disbelief, you cheer yourself on, you swear out loud, you smile to give yourself courage. In a crescendo of incredible narrative force and firsthand, Antonella Lattanzi experiences a desire so unsparing it will stop at nothing, deep feelings of guilt, insensitive doctors, friendships capable of withstanding silences and horrible intimacies, a relationship with her partner that seems to always be on the verge of crumbling, a ferocious rage towards the world (and pregnant women). And throughout, she keeps the reader right there with her, glued to the page, creating an aura of suspense akin to that of a thriller, all thanks to her masterful juxtaposition of events.The most stunning aspect of this book is that even though it is an exceptional and raw story, it is also very true, genuine, timely, and it regards women across the board – mothers but not only – who, at some point in their lives, have asked themselves: do I want a child? When? Will I have to give up my ambitions, myself? Why is it so easy for everyone else to get pregnant but not me?“There’s a gully in my brain where I hide the things that hurt too much. Things I don’t want to tell anyone. Things I don’t even want to think about, that I wish never existed. Because if I don’t speak them, they don’t exist”.


Antonella Lattanzi was born in Bari in 1979 and lives in Rome. She writes both novels and screenplays. In terms of books, she has published Devozione (Einaudi 2010), Prima che tu mi tradisca (Einaudi 2013), Una storia nera (Mondadori 2017), and Questo giorno che incombe (HarperCollins Italia 2021). She is a regular contributor to the Corriere della Sera. Her books have been translated into several languages.

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